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Post by Roderich Edelstein on Mar 19, 2010 11:50:50 GMT -5
Americaneko~
You have a solid app to begin with, but I'd like to see the "battle mode" appearance-change be more fully explained... it's not exactly the most normal ability to change color, etc. Is he possessed by death spirits, magic, etc.? Please explain this further.
Also, you have a good beginning, but for your own reference, I'd like to see you varying your sentence structure a bit to keep from having repetitive "He... He... America... He..." That might just be the liberal arts major side of me, but writing tends to be more successful the less-unintentionally repetitive it is.
Please review the battle mode and expand on that. Because of America's personality, he doesn't strike me as a magic-user; more of a knight. Once you make the suggested corrections, I have no doubt you'll be approved.
~Jade (Roderich)
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Post by Gilbert Weillschmidt on Mar 19, 2010 12:01:41 GMT -5
Keep in mind that, on this board, you would be calling him "Alfred", not America. They are human here. I realize that he could be American, but that isn't the same as being an immortal country.
Also, I can't really see America as the ridiculously smart genius type; he doesn't like studying or books, that much is obvious. While it would make sense for him to excel in training and such, I think that you should lower his IQ a bit to something that fits his character more.
However, I like where this application is going, please understand that.
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Post by americaneko on Mar 19, 2010 17:18:25 GMT -5
Sorry for the mistakes, I probably wasn't thinking clearly. I made a few corrections, and I hope that it's better than it was.
Please tell me if you need anything else~
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